Monday, December 20, 2010

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 22c

How have you experienced both kinds of fear?  (constructive & non-constructive)

I believe any fear can be constructive, if I can learn from it.  On the other hand, non-constructive fear would mean (for me) holding onto the fear and  repeating it over and over in my daily life.

Prior to working the 12 steps and actively working a spiritual program, I lived with several fears.  I couldn't let go of them no matter what I did.  They were prevalent in my life and permeated most of my relationships.  The biggest two were death and abandonment.  I was afraid of death - in myself and those I loved and I was afraid my husband was going to leave me.  It didn't matter what he said or did to prove his love, I was still afraid of being alone.  These fears were destructive because they affected everything I did and said.  They also gave me reason (I thought) to eat.

They have also become constructive fears - I've learned they have nothing to do with death, abandonment or my husband.  The abandonment has everything to do with the empty hole inside I've felt for as long as I can remember.  The fears are about my need to trust a Higher Power with my life. 

As this trust has emerged and grown, my fears have weakened and shrunk.  They are gone, as long as I work all aspects of my program - physical, emotional and especially the spiritual.  When I can feel my Higher Powers presence deep down inside, there are no fears.

I am not afraid when I live and work my program every day, with help from my Higher Power (God).

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