AS BILL SEE IT, Question 2b

Have you learned how to deal with depression?

No!  I've struggled with depression for years - even after being abstinent.

I've been in therapy and it's helped my depression with situational events - the things I've tried to control and couldn't.  My depression has never gotten better when I try to make the other person change and they won't.

The doctors have tried to help by giving me medications. I've tried drug after drug after drug in my search. Some have helped but it's never completely gone. I've even tried moving to another state, thinking the change in weather would help.  At one point, shock therapy looked like my only option - I'd run out of drugs to try.  There seemed to be no other way to lesson the depression.

To feel takes courage.  To eat doesn't.  I thought my courage came in packages of food.  I found out I needed to try everything else so I would be desperate enough to reach out to my Higher Power. It happened when my doctor told me he had no other options other than shock therapy.  I had no where else to go.

I started reading the A.A. Big Book and answering questions pertaining to what I read.  The questions asked about the allergy and the obsession; how they applied to my life.  They made me look at how my life used to be when I was actively eating.  I ended up comparing it to what I was doing while "active" in my depression. There was no difference other than the substance! My behaviors were the same - I was making everything be about me again; what I wanted and didn't get, what I thought and nobody agreed with, how I felt and nobody understood and how no one was paying attention to me.  I realized I was in an emotional relapse.  It was quite an eye opener for me.

As I've continued to do these questions, my life has changed dramatically.  My depression has lessened to the point where I'm no longer held hostage by the depression; my last episode on the couch was over three years ago.  I didn't have to have shock therapy.  The amount of medications I take has been lowered.  I'm not at the mercy of the depression or drugs anymore; I take them but they don't control me. If I struggle with anything, God (HP) and the 12 Step program are what I choose to use today.

The question asked if I've learned to deal with depression.  I don't have to!  I have God (HP) to do it for me.


Norinne M.