AS BILL SEES IT, Question 1a

Do you still believe that excess food is your only problem? Why?

I always thought my problem was about my weight; if I could get the excess weight off, then my problems would disappear.  I'd be beautiful; I'd have lots of friends; there would be lots of dates; I'd be happy! I had no idea my being overweight could have anything to do with what I was doing with food.

When I walked into a 12 Step meeting and heard people there talk about being a compulsive overeater, I still wouldn't acknowledge I was one until after listening for several months.  I went in with a closed mind.  I had my own ideas about what would fix the problem and it's all I was interested in.

Ultimately, I was in enough pain to start listening and became willing to change my eating habits.  I refrained from eating any of my binge foods (a definition of abstinence) and started working the steps with a sponsor.   Consequently, I was able to recognize my problem wasn't just about my compulsively overeating.  It was about me and what I wanted, how I felt; who I trusted (or didn't) and my need to control everything because of my fears.

I learned I have a disease and there are 3 components to it; physical, emotional and spiritual.  Losing weight made it easy to understand the physical; it started happening with my abstinence.  With the weight loss, I was also starting to understand the emotional; my emotions weren't all over the place anymore.  I wasn't crying one moment or hurtling words at someone (like spears) the next.

I wasn't quite sure of the spiritual.  I thought I had God in my life, in fact, I went to church as a child and learned all about him. However, I was learning it wasn't quite the same.  Spiritual is quite different from religion.  (In my spiritual program I can have my own beliefs, not someone else's and it's not affiliated with church.)

The food (and my pain), which brought me to program, has ultimately given me many gifts:

1. It brought me to a 12 Step program seeking help. (To seek help in my past was to be vulnerable and to be vulnerable meant I would be hurt.) The 12 steps opened my eyes to see that it wasn't about the weight and ultimately, not about the food.
2. I've been able to put down my addictive substances.  
3. I've been able to look at what was underneath the need for these substances and heal from it.  
4. It's also given me a Higher Power (God) I can turn to for help, anytime, anywhere.  
5. I now have a huge support group I can turn to whenever I need help.  (My best friends are in program.  I call them my heart sisters.)
6. I have open communication with the people in my life, more importantly, my spouse, children, and siblings.  The people around me never knew who Norinne was because I never shared that part of me.  I was either too afraid or I didn't know who I was .
7. I can look in the mirror today and tell myself, "I love you." I can do it without looking away, without anger, without cringing.

For all of this I am eternally grateful.

Norinne M.