I came in believing that everything I sought was tied to my weight - mainly my happiness. After being in the rooms for awhile, I learned it wasn't about the weight, it was about the food. So again, I tied everything I sought to my abstinence. I thought that once I achieved abstinence and stayed that way for awhile, my life would turn around and the happiness I sought would finally be achieved.
For awhile I was surface happy. I lost the weight I wanted and was able to wear smaller, more appealing clothes. I felt attractive. Then, the "newness" of all that wore off; there's only so many clothes I can buy. I stopped getting attention from people around me (about the weight loss). I was back to "everyday" life.
As a result, I recognized I had a problem; I had everything I wanted, yet I was miserable. I had no peace or serenity; only depression. My glass was half full.
"...(I) may be suffering from an illness which only
a spiritual experience will conquer."
A.A. Big Book, pg 44
I wasn't doing anything at the time to work my spiritual program. The only actions I was taking was going to meetings, abstinence, calling my sponsor, phone calls, sponsoring, service (at the intergroup and meeting level) and periodically working the steps. Oh...I also begged God to help me when I felt backed into a corner with my problems.
It was my wanting more than the life I was living that forced me to seek the life I am enjoying today. Thank you God (HP).
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