Anger is a mask for my fear. In the A.A. 12&12, it talks about self-centered fear:
"The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear -- primarily
fear that we would lose something we already possessed
fear that we would lose something we already possessed
or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of
unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance
and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could
find a means of reducing these demands."
A.A. 12&12, pg 76
It further talks about humility, which is what I need to focus on instead of anger. When I'm afraid I'm not going to get what I want or I'm going to lose something I already have, the only place I can go for help is my Higher Power, for me, God.
Humility is the only way I've found that gives me peace when my mind is doing push ups and then running circles around a problem.
In my disease, no matter what I did to make the problem go away, it didn't work.
My choices can determine how I feel and what I see
My only option is to do the footwork. I stay on my side of the street, look at my actions, see what my part in the problem is, make amends when necessary and then ask God to show me what needs to be done next; do I need to do more work, is there anything more he wants me to learn? Then I end my work with a prayer.
If I'm able to let it go, I know there is no more work for me to do, other than to move on and do the next right thing. This may be to help someone else, go to a meeting, make a phone call, etc. The peace I receive comes because my mind is quiet again and I have the knowledge that God (HP) is in charge (I'm not).
In my disease, no matter what I did to make the problem go away, it didn't work.
My choices can determine how I feel and what I see
My only option is to do the footwork. I stay on my side of the street, look at my actions, see what my part in the problem is, make amends when necessary and then ask God to show me what needs to be done next; do I need to do more work, is there anything more he wants me to learn? Then I end my work with a prayer.
If I'm able to let it go, I know there is no more work for me to do, other than to move on and do the next right thing. This may be to help someone else, go to a meeting, make a phone call, etc. The peace I receive comes because my mind is quiet again and I have the knowledge that God (HP) is in charge (I'm not).
My peace of mind is all about choice. I can choose to hang on to the anger, which in turn will hold me hostage. It then ruins my peace of mind and serenity - based on past history, for several days. Or, I can choose to look at it from another angle, see what my part in it is (probably fear), make amends if necessary and give it to God. Afterward, I can move on with my life. This is a totally different behavior from the person I used to be. My choices in the past would have been to hang on, blame someone else and continue to blame.
Anger may be a natural instinct for the normal person, but it's not something I choose to have in my life today. I'm an addict, and like resentments, anger can kill.
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