AS BILL SEES IT, Question 6c

Is it OK to experience fear?  What do you do when you experience fear?

Fear spells trouble and it needs to take me right to my Higher Power.  I can't do anything when I'm fearful because it's all about me - that's where my focus is; what I have, what I don't have, what's going to happen or what's not going to happen.  I'm no help to anyone, most of all myself.

I have to get myself God-centered instead of self-centered, by whatever means necessary.

In my fear, I may try everything else first! (My old behaviors.)  It used to be the food and shopping - depending on how fearful and disconnected I am.  I may wait to do my prayer and meditation until last or I may not get quiet enough in my head for prayer and meditation.  This is the key for me.  I have to sit still long enough for the thoughts in my head to quiet down.  I have to be open to prayer and meditation for it to work.  When I am (quiet enough in my head) I can hear that still quiet voice talking to me and I have peace.  The fear goes away and I can move on.

I had an incident happen just yesterday to demonstrate what can happen to me and others when I experience fear and don't take the time to ask God for help.  I'd like to share it.

I wanted to go to a phone meeting and the phone service I was using (when I dialed the phone number) asked me for the exact meeting id number.  Every time I entered the numbers I had for the meeting, they didn't work.  So I made outreach calls to the contact people for two different phone meetings and then emailed a person for a third meeting.  The first person I heard back from was the person I emailed.  She questioned me about where I got her name and after I gave her the incorrect meeting information (by mistake), she questioned me on the date of the list I was working from (because she was no longer a contact person).  I responded with answers to her questions.

She sent me the information I'd requested and I sent her a thank you.  I also made a reference to the mistakes made with the old list and the wrong meeting I had given.  It was supposed to be referring to me but  I forgot to make the reference to me in the email.  She read the email and immediately took offense.  She couldn't  understand why I would treat her the way I did when she went out of her way to help me. She sent back an email that was less than nice, which in turn, upset me.

This all started because I was so upset about the phone problems.  I was self-centered and didn't pay attention to what I was writing.  I ended up hurting someone I had no intention to hurt. 

I had to do a 10-step to understand my part - then I was able to let it go.  

My only concern was to get to a meeting.  In the process of trying, I hurt anyone who got in my way.  My self-centered behavior started with the problems with the phone.  It wasn't until I understood what my character defects were, saw when they started, and made amends, I was finally able to let all of it go. (I did send her an email, apologizing and taking responsibility for my actions.)

Fear is only OK for me to experience when I have the tools and use them.  Otherwise, I have to treat it like a resentment.  It can be deadly for myself and others.