No matter what you have done, do you believe that God is always there for you? How do you communicate with God?
God (HP) has shown me over and over again that he is there for me. Many times I've questioned the process because I felt I didn't hear from him when I needed his help (meaning I didn't get what I wanted). This is one of the ways my disease manifests itself in me. When I'm struggling with something - really struggling, and I ask God for help, I want an answer right away. Most times I don't get it and I hate waiting! I also hate struggling.
During this whole process, I sometimes get what my Mom used to call, agita - I can't sit still. I feel like I need to run, but I have no place to run to. My head tells me I have to move. When it happens, I try to sit and meditate; I pray and talk to God (HP) - telling him what is bothering me. Then I sit quietly and wait for him to talk to me: I try to go to a quiet place inside. In order to do this, I need a quiet place outside - I need there to be no distractions.
If I find I can't seem to communicate with God (HP), or I can't get quiet, it means I have some work to do and for me, this means doing a 10 step. These help me to break what I'm struggling with down into black and white - it gets the craziness out of my head and onto a piece of paper - it takes power away from the problem. (In my head it's going around and around, building momentum. I need to stop the craziness - the insanity.) I have always found that after I do my footwork, I feel much better and there's no more barriers between God (HP) and I anymore. I feel at peace again.
No matter what, I know that God (HP) is there for me. I'm the one who puts up the barriers between us and I'm the one who needs to do the work to eliminate those barriers.
Please share with us some of your thoughts and experiences - we can all help each other on this exciting recovery journey!
Norinne M.
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