Thursday, October 14, 2010

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 9a

How strongly do you feel that you can survive and recover without the Fellowship?  Do you feel that one person alone is all you need to help you recover?

There is no way I can survive or recover without the Fellowship.  I've tried - before I joined and many years into program.

About 13 years after I came into the fellowship, I thought program wasn't necessary anymore - my abstinence had been strong for eight years, so I decided it was OK to start eating some of my substances again.  At first, I was still going to meetings but not talking about what I was doing.   I also didn't have a sponsor.  I was controlling what I was eating and not having any problems, so eventually  I left.

I was gone for about ten months.  By that point I'd moved to a different state, left behind all of my support friends and gained forty pounds.  I was miserable.  (I was talking to everyone back home but it wasn't helping).  I became suicidal.  After a visit from one of my friends, I decided (angrily) to go to a meeting.  I 've never left.

I've learned a lot since then.  Mainly, in order for me to be able to maintain my recovery, I need to have a spiritual program and I never had one.

Today, I work my spiritual program everyday.  I use the AA Big Book and the AA 12&12.  I attend three to four meetings a week  (I need to hear the messages from the people around me - whether they are brand new or old-timers).  I do service at the meeting and intergroup level and I also sponsor.

I was taught to always say yes when asked to do any form of service - for this I am responsible - to carry the message to the still suffering addict...any way I can.  

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