AS BILL SEES IT, Question 10c

Are you indulging in constructive meditation?  Do you feel you are growing spiritually?

Constructive meditation happens for me anytime I have quiet time in my head.  Then I can listen for God (HP).  This has taken me sometime to be able to achieve.

My addictive mind likes to "flit" all over the place, constantly thinking about a million things at one time - bouncing from one to another, never settling.  I may start to focus on something, work on it for awhile but as soon as a noise or a person says something - I'm off and running in a different direction.

What I've learned about myself over time, is that I need to go to a place where there will be no interruptions - no distractions of any kind.  I've created such a place in my home.

I have a room - my yellow room.  It's on the back of my house, facing the woods.  I can go there in the morning, shut the door and sit in front of the window (facing east) in my comfortable chair.  Outside I watch the blue jays and cardinals, along with the squirrels cavorting with each other.  Many times the dew is on a spider-web and with the sun shining through it, I see a huge sparkling snowflake blown up for my delight.  God's beauty is there for me to behold.

These are the things that greet me on my meditations - it's how I can shut out the outside world and all the thoughts that were clamoring in my head.  My disease gets left outside the door.  The "rules" are; no interruptions while the door is closed.

I've written a prayer on a poster board and taped it to the wall.  It says, "God, please fill me with your presence and your love.  Amen."  I did this to help remind me I'm not alone.  Whenever I read it, I feel a warmth fill me inside.

I went to church as a child and never received any of this - experiences that are all new for me.  They are also far greater that what my substances ever gave me.  Today I see the results and I can feel them.  All my substances did was numb me so that I wouldn't see and feel - I wasn't present in my life.

Today I want to live, I want to feel, I want to see...all of it.  It's because of the spiritual program I'm living and working today.