AS BILL SEES IT, Question 12b

What is the primary object of my life?

Because I've struggled with depression for so long, my goal and main objective was to be happy.  Now that I've been in The Program for many years, I've come to realize that my happiness comes in direct proportion to the extent of my spiritual program.  I say this because when I work it, the depression goes away; when I don't, the depression returns.

There are many components to my spiritual program.  In A.A., Bill W. said "we need to give it away to keep it."  Service is a big piece of my spiritual program.  It helps to get me out of self (EGO) and become God-centered.  When I'm trying to help someone else, I become humble.  When I'm humble, I ask God (HP) for help.

There are many forms of service I'm currently (and previously been) active in:  my abstinence, sponsoring, phone calls, leading meetings, intergroup, setting and picking up after a meeting, carrying the literature (to a meeting) and treasurer (for a meeting).  Also, filling in when needed in other positions.

Another action I take for my spiritual well-being is prayer and meditation.  I heard a speaker in A.A. say that after being in program for awhile, he learned some things about himself and needed to "change his story."  Not long ago, I was reading some of my old journals and discovered I've been doing meditation longer than I previously thought.  This has changed my perspective on how I have previously viewed my past and the decisions I made then.  It also helped me to realize my Higher Power was active in my life sooner than I realized!

The miracle of this program and working the steps is the relief I've been given when I accepted a Higher Power (God) in my life.  I've been able to let go of the burdens that once held me hostage - the things in my life I tried to control on a daily basis.  I've come to realize my life is a whole lot better when I can "Let go and let God."  What I mean by this is, I give all my concerns to my Higher Power.  When something comes up that causes me some dis-ease, I ask God (HP) to take it.  I visualize myself handing it to him.  When I can do this, I've let it go.  Then, and only then, am I able to move on.

Life today is so much better than it ever was before and my depression is gone.