Do you feel you were doomed by your inheritance or maybe by your experiences or surroundings? Have you allowed this to hold you back? Why?
I used to blame everything that went wrong in my life - my addiction, the diabetes and the sexual abuse, on my parents and God. I needed to understand why and the closest I got was to blame someone or something. I wanted to make some sense out of my past and couldn't.
As I got older, I found blaming others was a way for me not to take responsibility (and then use it as an excuse to eat). I was angry about the things done to me and what was wrong with me. I had the "poor me's." This in turn, allowed me to stay stuck. Likewise, I used the same excuses in my marriage, work and friendships. They helped me to push people away. I hurt (inside), therefore, had no trust. There was no way I was going to allow myself to be vulnerable so used the fat to protect me: I had to shield myself from danger no matter what the cost. I was not going to allow anyone to see the real me.
Today I recognize my past has helped shape who I am presently; the person God (HP) wants me to be right now. Through the work I've done with the 12 steps, I now have experience and compassion, hence, I may be able to help someone else with the same history.
I heard someone say at a Big Book weekend, "we are the chosen." I believe this with all my heart. I have no doubt that God chose us to walk ahead of others in finding our recovery. We can then help them by grabbing their hand and showing them the way (Step 12).
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