Saturday, November 13, 2010

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 16c

Do you believe that God is responsible for your abstinence and why?

For quite sometime in program, I still believed deep down inside I had control.  I thought I was responsible for my abstinence - I had the power.  It was because I was under the influence of the diet mentality.  My intention while attending the meetings was about the weight - the 12 Steps I was working with my sponsor was just something I was doing because I had to.  It was totally separate from the food and my weight.  Yes, I weighed and measured my food and called it in but everything was still all about me and what I could do.  There was no God (HP) in the picture.  ONLY WHEN I GOT INTO TROUBLE, then I cried out for help, resulting in a plea to give me what I wanted or get me out of the pickle I was in - that's when I went to God (HP).

Today is different, ONLY WHEN I GIVE MY LIFE TO GOD (HP).  When I do this, give my life to God (HP), it has to be my whole life, not just parts of it.  This includes my food.  I'll share with you a prayer I've come up with to help me:

"I give you my food God (HP), to do with as you please.  As you guide me in my abstinence today, please give me direction for the healthy choices I need in my food plan.  Please join me during my meals and help me to enjoy and be filled with the food you helpfully put on my plate.  I joyfully ask all this in your name.  Amen.

When I surrender completely - then yes, God (HP) is responsible for my abstinence. (I still have to do the footwork-writing it down, weighing and measuring and giving it to my sponsor.)

Sometimes it taken me a long time to learn.  It has with my food, especially because it revolves around my weight.  Letting go of this outcome [my weight] is hard for me.  I don't like watching the numbers on the scale  go up and not have a say about it.  Trust is involved with this topic - one for another day!

No comments: