AS BILL SEES IT, Question 17a

How well do you utilize a daily inventory?

I do spot check inventories everyday along with 10 steps when necessary.  If during my spot check, something is bothering me and I can't let it go, I'll do a 10 step inventory.

 I find myself hesitant to do a 10 step inventory  -  I'm not sure why.  It may be my needing to sit down and taking time to do it.  In reality, I think it's because I have to look at my part in whatever is going on.  This means I have to own my actions and feelings.  It may require [and generally does] my needing to make an amends.  I know I still have a hard time with doing these!  Just yesterday I needed to make one and ended up with a fight going on inside of me  -  the healthy me was telling the disease we were going to make the amends and why.  The disease was telling me why it wasn't necessary to do the amend.

It's interesting to look back on it today and see all of the shenanigans my disease was going through to not make the amend.  I talked to one person [intentionally] to see if they would tell me I didn't have to do it  -  they didn't mention it at all!  If the diseased voice were to "win out," I would have called a few more people to try and find someone to tell me I didn't need to make the amend.  In the end, I made several program outreach phone calls and then called the person and made the amend.

The bottom line for me is that I do the inventories as often as I need them.  It's when my gut is disturbed and I need to settle my thoughts.  I can't be close to my Higher Power when my mind is somewhere else.  I have to get myself to a place where I can "Let Go" and find peace.  My peace comes from God (HP).