AS BILL SEES IT, Question 12b

What is the primary object of my life?

Because I've struggled with depression for so long, my goal and main objective was to be happy.  Now that I've been in The Program for many years, I've come to realize that my happiness comes in direct proportion to the extent of my spiritual program.  I say this because when I work it, the depression goes away; when I don't, the depression returns.

There are many components to my spiritual program.  In A.A., Bill W. said "we need to give it away to keep it."  Service is a big piece of my spiritual program.  It helps to get me out of self (EGO) and become God-centered.  When I'm trying to help someone else, I become humble.  When I'm humble, I ask God (HP) for help.

There are many forms of service I'm currently (and previously been) active in:  my abstinence, sponsoring, phone calls, leading meetings, intergroup, setting and picking up after a meeting, carrying the literature (to a meeting) and treasurer (for a meeting).  Also, filling in when needed in other positions.

Another action I take for my spiritual well-being is prayer and meditation.  I heard a speaker in A.A. say that after being in program for awhile, he learned some things about himself and needed to "change his story."  Not long ago, I was reading some of my old journals and discovered I've been doing meditation longer than I previously thought.  This has changed my perspective on how I have previously viewed my past and the decisions I made then.  It also helped me to realize my Higher Power was active in my life sooner than I realized!

The miracle of this program and working the steps is the relief I've been given when I accepted a Higher Power (God) in my life.  I've been able to let go of the burdens that once held me hostage - the things in my life I tried to control on a daily basis.  I've come to realize my life is a whole lot better when I can "Let go and let God."  What I mean by this is, I give all my concerns to my Higher Power.  When something comes up that causes me some dis-ease, I ask God (HP) to take it.  I visualize myself handing it to him.  When I can do this, I've let it go.  Then, and only then, am I able to move on.

Life today is so much better than it ever was before and my depression is gone.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 12a

Is pride holding you back from progress?  How?

Pride sneaks into my life in subtle ways.  One way that occurs the most is the voice that tells me I don't need help, I can do this on my own.  Another is when I want to eat something inappropriate and deny what is going on.  Ultimately, these behaviors will lead me into relapse.

In program there is the saying, "Denial of the truth leads to destruction."  Every time I allow pride to interfere with my recovery, I separate myself from God (HP).  When this happens, desperation reappears in my life and for me, desperation will take me back face first into the food.

I don't know how many more relapses I have in me - and I'm not willing to chance it.  (I remember the pain I was in before program and in my last relapse.  It occurred in all areas of my life; spiritual, emotional and physical).  I don't ever want to go back there again.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 11c

What is the quality of good you are giving back to the program?  

The best thing I can do for program is show that it is working in my life.  This would mean for me that I am abstinent, happy and I have peace and serenity.

I'd like to believe that I am a living example of this.  Since my last relapse, four years ago, I've made major changes in how I work my program.  In turn, the way I live my life today has been affected.

I have a strong abstinence and I feel peaceful and serene.  It's because I ask God (HP) for help everyday.  Each morning I invite him to join me for the day.  As the day progresses, I talk to him (thanking him) along with asking for help.  At the end of the day, if something is bothering me, I talk to him about it.

I believe my actions speak louder than my words, so find it's not necessary to make it a point to broadcast the amount of abstinence/time in the program or weight loss I have.  When asked to tell my story, I will give this information, but I don't have it be the main focus.  My shares, more importantly, are about the solution and they come from the heart.  I've been in program a long time and what I've learned has come from the school of hard knocks. 

There is a saying in program, "Don't talk the talk, walk the walk."

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 11b

What is your definition of being successful?

The dictionary's definition for successful is a favorable result.  My idea of successful is not repeating, over and over again, the errors of my past - the things that caused me pain.

I lived in pain from my addiction for twenty five years using the food to numb my feelings.  Ultimately the food turned on me; I couldn't get out from under it's spell.  The addiction grew over the years, causing me to consume more and more food.  In turn, my behaviors became more erratic.

Successful is being out from under my food addiction, one day at a time, with the help of my Higher Power and the grace of this (12 Step) program.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 11a

What are your feelings about a slip?  How are you safeguarding yourself against it?

I view a slip and relapse the same.  They are indications that I'm having problems and it didn't just start; a slip is a warning where I need to seriously look at what I'm doing and make some changes.  If I don't, it won't be long before I relapse.

There are disciplines I do everyday to protect the peace and serenity I enjoy in my life. They are practices that many people, through the years, have found worked for them (and decided to pass the information on).  I, in turn, have been doing them for several years and have found they work for me if I do them.

To ensure the continuation and deepening of my spiritual program, I read in the AA Big Book and the AA 12&12 everyday.  To discourage complacency and help me remember my roots, I answer a question pertaining to what I read.

For my meditation and prayer time, I read several program daily's.  One of them usually "grabs" me and I spend some time in prayer and meditation.  Then I journal on what I read.

The best thing I can do for my recovery each day is look at my food; do I have it planned out for the day?  Do I have everything I need?  Are there any unforeseen plans that have been made (by my husband)?  Do I need to prepare something ahead of time?  Do I need to ask my husband for help with something - for instance, am I going to an early meeting and need his help with cooking dinner?

At night before bed (and sometimes it happens during the day) I look over my day to see if there is anything I need to make right; have I stepped on any toes, do I need to thank anyone for something that I forgot to thank them for?  Do I have any uncomfortable feelings inside?  What am I grateful for?  How did I take care of myself today?  Did I do anything for someone else today, etc.

This is a form of 10 step.  It's where I look over my day to see if there are any wrongs that need to be righted.  It also helps me to see the positives in my life.  I have a form that I use for this (my sponsor gave me) and I've added to it.  It's called a vowel 10 Step.  I'll share it with you here:

Vowel 10 Step

A - Addiction 

(What am I doing for my addiction today?  Going to a meeting? Talk to my sponsor? Work on an inventory?  Abstinent?

E - Exercise 

(Did I do any today?If not, then note it so that I can see over the course of a week, what my "pattern" is.  When I keep my body chemistry balanced, "HALT," I am better able to be in the frame of mind for the "promptly admit it" part, and the "spot check throughout the day."

I - I, myself

What did I do to take care of myself today? This is about healthy self-care - healthy boundaries, etc.  Beyond the straight up twelve step work in the "A" above.

O - Others

Where was I of twelve step type service?  (More along the lines of meeting with sponsees, or calling a program person to see how they're doing.

U - Uncover

What is that thing I don't want to think about?  Write it here.  This is not a promise I will do something about it - it's about not sliding into denial. (Like if I need to call the IRS and haven't or there is a bill I need to call on.)  Just note it here so that eventually it will be in my consciousness enough that I can become willing enough to do something about it.

Y - Yahoo

Something fun I may have been looking forward to.  This is the thing that makes life fun and can be a building block for some gratitude for the abundance in my life.

Actions I've added

Gratitude - Something I'm grateful for today

God (HP) moment -  Some place (sign. book, phrase, etc) or an action where I saw God (HP) in action in my life today.

Benefit of being abstinent - Something I am able to do in my life today because of being abstinent.

At the end of the day, before I close my eyes to sleep, I say thank you God.  

All of these actions, that I do on a daily basis, help to safeguard me from my next compulsive bite.  Without them, I know I would be face down in my addiction.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 10c

Are you indulging in constructive meditation?  Do you feel you are growing spiritually?

Constructive meditation happens for me anytime I have quiet time in my head.  Then I can listen for God (HP).  This has taken me sometime to be able to achieve.

My addictive mind likes to "flit" all over the place, constantly thinking about a million things at one time - bouncing from one to another, never settling.  I may start to focus on something, work on it for awhile but as soon as a noise or a person says something - I'm off and running in a different direction.

What I've learned about myself over time, is that I need to go to a place where there will be no interruptions - no distractions of any kind.  I've created such a place in my home.

I have a room - my yellow room.  It's on the back of my house, facing the woods.  I can go there in the morning, shut the door and sit in front of the window (facing east) in my comfortable chair.  Outside I watch the blue jays and cardinals, along with the squirrels cavorting with each other.  Many times the dew is on a spider-web and with the sun shining through it, I see a huge sparkling snowflake blown up for my delight.  God's beauty is there for me to behold.

These are the things that greet me on my meditations - it's how I can shut out the outside world and all the thoughts that were clamoring in my head.  My disease gets left outside the door.  The "rules" are; no interruptions while the door is closed.

I've written a prayer on a poster board and taped it to the wall.  It says, "God, please fill me with your presence and your love.  Amen."  I did this to help remind me I'm not alone.  Whenever I read it, I feel a warmth fill me inside.

I went to church as a child and never received any of this - experiences that are all new for me.  They are also far greater that what my substances ever gave me.  Today I see the results and I can feel them.  All my substances did was numb me so that I wouldn't see and feel - I wasn't present in my life.

Today I want to live, I want to feel, I want to see...all of it.  It's because of the spiritual program I'm living and working today.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 10b

Do you work on nourishing the good and changing the bad?

Working the 12 Steps is a very interesting process.  When I didn't think I was making any progress, the people around me (in the rooms) surprised me by pointing out the changes.

Then there were the days I felt like I was on a fast moving train and wanted it to slow down (too many changes were happening).  I realized that God (HP) was in charge and there was nothing I could do; as much as I tried to dig my heels in, it wouldn't stop the train.

As time passed, I was able to recognize the changes in myself and the area's where I needed to continue to work.  When I didn't, I got nudges from God (HP).  They came by way of my seeing (or hearing) where I made a mistake, something in someones share, a feeling in my gut, a billboard, a sign on a church, something read, a meditation, etc.

As long as I'm abstinent, I can hear the message from my Higher Power and be willing to take action.  These two components are very important to "nourishing the good and changing the bad."

The whole healing process is like a flowering plant - there are several things needed for it to grow; sunlight (God/HP), fertilizer/water (food - abstinence), proper soil (12 Step program).  Neither one of us - myself or the flowering plant, can grow in the dark (my addiction). 

I need to have the necessary conditions to nurture myself.  The 12 Step program has taught me how to do this by introducing me to a Higher Power, showing me I need to be abstinent, having me work the steps and helping me to recognize I deserve all of it.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 10a

Do you still take a daily inventory of the good as well as the bad in yourself?  How do you go about doing this?

If I'm feeling any kind of disturbance, I stop (pause) and ask myself, "what's going on?"  This is my spot check inventory (AA 12&12, pg 90-91).  My main objective is to find out why I'm disturbed - what my part in the problem is - not what someone else did.  I stay on my side of the street.  Doing this kind of work requires that I ask God (HP) for help.  I look at what I need to do, take the action, give the rest to God and move on.

If I don't receive an answer or am still disturbed, I need to look at what's bothering me further - in depth.  This is when I do a form of 10 step called a Statement of Struggle (it follows the steps).  I'll share it with you here:

STATEMENT OF STRUGGLE

1. I'm powerless over...and my life becomes unmanageable when...

2.  I have faith that...

3.  I've made a decision to...

4.  In my past...

5.  E.N.O.M.W. (The exact nature of my wrongs)...

6.  I'm entirely ready...

7.  I'm humbly asking God (HP)...

8.  I'm willing to make amends...

9.  I'm changing by...

10. I feel...

11. I'm praying for...

12. I've learned...

Statement of Goals

*

*

*

When I'm done, I share it with my sponsor and 2 other people.  Also, if I haven't received any peace, I know there is more work I need to do (another statement of struggle).  Usually, after doing the first statement of struggle, I know what the next one should be about.  If not, one of the people I've shared with has given me an idea during their feed back.

These are pretty powerful - be prepared to learn a lot about yourself.  I find the hard part is sitting down and doing them.  Let me know how they work for you.

At the end of the day I do a Vowel 10 Step.  I'll share this with you at another time.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 9c

When away from home base, do you take your knowledge of the group and God with you?  Or do you feel safe only at home?  How can you safeguard your program of sanity and serenity when traveling?  How do you do it?

This is a good question because I travel between two homes.  I also visit family/friends and travel for program conventions.

I always take HP (God) with me wherever I go.  In fact, I say a prayer before each trip asking HP (God), if it's his will, to help us safely arrive at our destination.  This is fairly new for me.  In the past, I would ask HP (God) to help us reach our destination safely.  I never asked for his will.  My spiritual program is changing, so my prayers are changing.  I find I'm willing to accept Gods will in my life today - in the past it was still about me and my prayers reflected it.

My home fellowship travels with me, no matter where I go.  Part of the reason for this is my daily phone calls and the continued work I do for Intergroup.  It's also because I go to quite a few meetings - I carry memories of each member with me, in my heart. I consider them family and they go with me wherever I go.

My abstinence, sanity and serenity is also protected by taking program with me.  I have my daily readers, A.A. Big Book and 12&12, program questions (I do one each day), World Service phone meeting list, speaker CD's, my computer and a cell phone.  When I'm away, I do the same things I would normally do at home.

Even when I go to conventions, I will take my books, questions, cell phone and my food with me.  Several times I've even taken a microwave and refrigerator with me!  My abstinence comes before everything else.

I am willing to go to any length to keep the peace and serenity I have in my life today.  It's taken a long time to be where I am and I'm not willing to give it up.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 9b

Do you believe that the ambitions of one should be safeguarded, when the group as a whole would be harmed?  Where should the line be drawn?

Our traditions state very clearly what we need to do - we need to protect the group as a whole, always.  If we don't, our fellowship will not be there for us or anyone else in the future.  Having said that, I believe it is possible to do it in a non-hurtful way, when addressing the "ambitions of one."  The easiest way would be to first, ask our Higher Power for help, and second, quote the tradition that applies to where the harm would be done.

There should never be a line drawn, meaning, we should never be in a position to have to choose.  We have no choice.  We have clear cut guidelines (which have worked), handed down to us through many generations.  No debate is necessary.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 9a

How strongly do you feel that you can survive and recover without the Fellowship?  Do you feel that one person alone is all you need to help you recover?

There is no way I can survive or recover without the Fellowship.  I've tried - before I joined and many years into program.

About 13 years after I came into the fellowship, I thought program wasn't necessary anymore - my abstinence had been strong for eight years, so I decided it was OK to start eating some of my substances again.  At first, I was still going to meetings but not talking about what I was doing.   I also didn't have a sponsor.  I was controlling what I was eating and not having any problems, so eventually  I left.

I was gone for about ten months.  By that point I'd moved to a different state, left behind all of my support friends and gained forty pounds.  I was miserable.  (I was talking to everyone back home but it wasn't helping).  I became suicidal.  After a visit from one of my friends, I decided (angrily) to go to a meeting.  I 've never left.

I've learned a lot since then.  Mainly, in order for me to be able to maintain my recovery, I need to have a spiritual program and I never had one.

Today, I work my spiritual program everyday.  I use the AA Big Book and the AA 12&12.  I attend three to four meetings a week  (I need to hear the messages from the people around me - whether they are brand new or old-timers).  I do service at the meeting and intergroup level and I also sponsor.

I was taught to always say yes when asked to do any form of service - for this I am responsible - to carry the message to the still suffering addict...any way I can.  

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 8c

Do you turn to God when things don't go your way?  Or, do you accept and still continue to trust that God is still taking care of you in a way that you cannot take care of yourself?

In the past, I only turned to God (HP) when things didn't go my way. Otherwise, I didn't need his help - I did just fine on my own.  Even then I fought - kicking and screaming to the very end; I would try everything before I gave in.  I literally had to feel backed into a corner before I gave up.

• Today, whenever I feel an inkling of discomfort emotionally, I go to God [HP] for help.  

• In the past, I ate to numb out and shut down my emotions.  

• Today, I choose not to eat.  

• In the past, I never allowed myself to feel, so never knew how I felt.  

• Today, I'm learning how to feel with Gods [HP's] help.  

• In the past I thought the negative things that were happening to me, were things God was doing to me.  

• Today I understand humans have been given free will.  The events happening in my life are to help me in some way or to help someone else in some way.

If someone were to have told me, when I started in program, that my whole being and my whole belief system was going to change, I would not have believed them.  I would have shaken my head and walked away.   These changes have occurred in my life!

Even after many years of abstinence and a long, long time in program, it didn't happen until I started on a spiritual quest.  I wanted the third leg of the stool.  By working it ONE DAY AT A TIME, I've seen how with God's [HP's] help, I've been able to heal from my past and now use it to help others in program - something I would never have thought possible.  (At the time I never thought I would heal from it, let alone help someone else.)

The promises are coming true in my life everyday - it works, it really does!

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 8b

Are you able to turn to God in all your affairs? Do you have a limit as to which you turn to God for guidance?  Do you still hold back and take your own will?

I strive to turn to God [HP] in all my affairs.  The 12 Step program gives me a daily reminder; I don't have to be perfect and I need to seek to do Gods [HP's] will.  When I have days I don't want to do what is good for me (my daily disciplines), I receive reminders of what my life will return to.

Everyday I make and receive phone calls.  The people on the other end of the phone depend on my abstinence and recovery.  When I don't seek God [HP] (this is called willfulness) for help in all my affairs, it affects everyone I touch.  Therefore, the work I need to do, I owe to myself and everyone in my life.

I've often asked my sponsees the question "Who are you hurting when you choose not to do something?"  It's not just ourselves, it's everyone we come in contact with.  This could be a quite a few people!  So when I'm not relying on my Higher Power [God] for help, I'm potentially hurting a lot of people.

I need to remember this the next time I want to do something my way - without asking God [HP] for help.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 8a

Do you feel that your abstinence is a gift from God?  If so is this all you can expect from him?

For quite some time I took my abstinence for granted.  I had to learn that I needed to give my food to God (HP). I wrote it down and called it in to my sponsor, but I was still holding onto some control.  This control was what was causing me problems.

I started to recognize it one day when I was struggling with eating one of my snacks.  It was cooked but the smell was making me nauseous.  So I said a prayer, telling God (HP) that if he wanted me to eat it, he was going to have to help me.  The telephone rang - it was a program person.  We talked for about 5 minutes and when I hung up, I sat down and ate my snack.  I completely forgot about feeling sick!

That was the first time I surrendered my food to God (HP).  When I realized what had just happened, I was amazed.  I thought to myself, "If I do this all of the time, I probably won't struggle when I go to the grocery store or when my husband snacks at night."

It took me several more times (of struggle) before I was completely willing to give God (HP) my food.  Now the things I used to struggle with, I don't anymore.  It  has shown me that all I have to do is ask God (HP) for help. 

I don't think there are any limits or restrictions on what God (HP) is willing to do for me...all I have to do is ask.


I would like to invite you to share your thoughts and experiences - we can all help each other on this exciting recovery journey! 

Norinne M. 

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 7c

Do you believe that God is there for all?  How do you go about asking for God's help for others not believing?

I believe that God (HP) is here for everyone - I see his work in others lives daily.  It's truly amazing to be able to watch it happening, especially when the person isn't aware of it yet.  I'm in awe.

The way I pray for a person is to ask God (HP) to help them have the eyes someday to see.  Standing next to someone in program, watching them work their steps, is an amazing process.  I find it very humbling.

I was in a meeting several years ago when someone "got it".  Her face perked up, her eyes started to sparkle and her skin took on a glow.  She looked like a totally different person.  To truly witness this was a miracle for me to behold.  I will always remember that moment - I consider it a gift from God (HP).

My wish for everyone in program is to be able to be present when someone "gets it."  It changed my life and I know it will change yours.


Have you ever had an opportunity to see someone "get it?"  Please share your thoughts and experiences - we can all help each other on this exciting recovery journey! 

Norinne M.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 7b

No matter what you have done, do you believe that God is always there for you?  How do you communicate with God?

God (HP) has shown me over and over again that he is there for me.  Many times I've questioned the process because I felt I didn't hear from him when I needed his help (meaning I didn't get what I wanted).  This is one of the ways my disease manifests itself in me.  When I'm struggling with something - really struggling, and I ask God for help, I want an answer right away.  Most times I don't get it and I hate waiting!  I also hate struggling.

During this whole process, I sometimes get what my Mom used to call, agita - I can't sit still.  I feel like I need to run, but I have no place to run to.  My head tells me I have to move.  When it happens, I try to sit and meditate; I pray and talk to God (HP) - telling him what is bothering me.  Then I sit quietly and wait for him to talk to me:  I try to go to a quiet place inside.  In order to do this, I need a quiet place outside - I need there to be no distractions.

If I find I can't seem to communicate with God (HP), or I can't get quiet, it means I have some work to do and for me, this means doing a 10 step.  These help me to break what I'm struggling with down into black and white - it gets the craziness out of my head and onto a piece of paper - it takes power away from the problem.  (In my head it's going around and around, building momentum.  I need to stop the craziness - the insanity.)  I have always found that after I do my footwork, I feel much better and there's no more barriers  between God (HP) and I anymore.  I feel at peace again.

No matter what, I know that God (HP) is there for me.  I'm the one who puts up the barriers between us and I'm the one who needs to do the work to eliminate those barriers.


Please share with us some of your thoughts and experiences - we can all help each other on this exciting recovery journey! 

Norinne M.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 7a

How vast do you believe the realm of the spirit to be?  Is belief enough for you to completely put yourself in Gods care?

"As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or he is

willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on

his way.  It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon

this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual

structure can be built."

A.A. Big Book, pg 47

I was so beaten down by my disease and the consequences of it, that I was willing to believe again.  I wanted something that was greater than myself to take away my problems and help me to make my life better again.  Sitting in the meetings and reading the literature led me to believe a Higher Power could do this for me.

Part of my disease already had me living in a fantasy world so it was easy for me to adjust to the possibility of a power greater than myself - I could pretend.  The qualities I gave my Higher Power were also easy.  He's  everything I want him to be, which includes being all powerful and knowing; his powers encompass everything and go everywhere.  There isn't anything he's unable to do.

My problem was learning to trust.  I didn't trust God and I didn't trust anyone in program.  That took awhile.  I had to make sure it was safe with both.  Today, belief is enough for me to completely put myself in God's care.

AS BILL SEES IT, Question 6c

Is it OK to experience fear?  What do you do when you experience fear?

Fear spells trouble and it needs to take me right to my Higher Power.  I can't do anything when I'm fearful because it's all about me - that's where my focus is; what I have, what I don't have, what's going to happen or what's not going to happen.  I'm no help to anyone, most of all myself.

I have to get myself God-centered instead of self-centered, by whatever means necessary.

In my fear, I may try everything else first! (My old behaviors.)  It used to be the food and shopping - depending on how fearful and disconnected I am.  I may wait to do my prayer and meditation until last or I may not get quiet enough in my head for prayer and meditation.  This is the key for me.  I have to sit still long enough for the thoughts in my head to quiet down.  I have to be open to prayer and meditation for it to work.  When I am (quiet enough in my head) I can hear that still quiet voice talking to me and I have peace.  The fear goes away and I can move on.

I had an incident happen just yesterday to demonstrate what can happen to me and others when I experience fear and don't take the time to ask God for help.  I'd like to share it.

I wanted to go to a phone meeting and the phone service I was using (when I dialed the phone number) asked me for the exact meeting id number.  Every time I entered the numbers I had for the meeting, they didn't work.  So I made outreach calls to the contact people for two different phone meetings and then emailed a person for a third meeting.  The first person I heard back from was the person I emailed.  She questioned me about where I got her name and after I gave her the incorrect meeting information (by mistake), she questioned me on the date of the list I was working from (because she was no longer a contact person).  I responded with answers to her questions.

She sent me the information I'd requested and I sent her a thank you.  I also made a reference to the mistakes made with the old list and the wrong meeting I had given.  It was supposed to be referring to me but  I forgot to make the reference to me in the email.  She read the email and immediately took offense.  She couldn't  understand why I would treat her the way I did when she went out of her way to help me. She sent back an email that was less than nice, which in turn, upset me.

This all started because I was so upset about the phone problems.  I was self-centered and didn't pay attention to what I was writing.  I ended up hurting someone I had no intention to hurt. 

I had to do a 10-step to understand my part - then I was able to let it go.  

My only concern was to get to a meeting.  In the process of trying, I hurt anyone who got in my way.  My self-centered behavior started with the problems with the phone.  It wasn't until I understood what my character defects were, saw when they started, and made amends, I was finally able to let all of it go. (I did send her an email, apologizing and taking responsibility for my actions.)

Fear is only OK for me to experience when I have the tools and use them.  Otherwise, I have to treat it like a resentment.  It can be deadly for myself and others.